The problem with “leave your emotions at the door.”
Emotional labor is an unsaid expectation of all hospitality jobs. Our positions require regulating our emotions to keep guests and supervisors comfortable and happy.
“the unpaid, often unnoticed labor that goes into keeping those around you comfortable and happy.” Journalist Gemma Hartley
Asking staff to leave their emotions at the door is innately dehumanizing. It fails to recognize that employees are whole persons that cannot separate themselves from the other ⅔ of their life. Parents still worry about their kids when they are at work, people still need to tend to their medical needs, and the very act of service requires a high degree of emotional labor.
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Work stress can often build upon untended stress or trauma in other areas of life, and so when we experience disproportionate reactions to small challenges or mistakes.
Suffocating your feelings for the sake of others can have long-term effects such as fatigue, burnout, and depression, and even lead to reliance on alcohol and other substances to regulate emotions.
In addition, having to express emotions you don’t feel can lead to experiencing cognitive dissonance. This can lower feelings of job accomplishment and produce less job involvement.
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The belief that emotions are inherently destructive or nonproductive is rooted in white supremacist culture. The right to comfort and emotional safety is often only afforded to guests and those in positions of power. Furthermore, "objectivity" is often decided by those with power--which, in the hospitality industry, tends to be white me.
We must combat this norm in our hospitality culture.
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People in positions of power often aren’t held to this same standard and take their frustrations out on those around them.
Effective management recognizes the humanity in their staff and that no one can be at their best 100% of the time. They are embracing staff's emotional intelligence and capacities and meeting them where they are fostering a workplace atmosphere where workers can be heard, respected, and collaborate to work within everyone’s strengths.
Demanding that real humans leave their feelings at the door limits us from being whole persons. Furthermore, it encourages the White Supremacy culture of the right to comfort. Guests and those in positions of power are allowed the space to express themselves fully, often in toxic or abusive ways, but those in other positions are not.
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So how do we lean into embracing our staff's emotional capacities and intelligence?
Acknowledge that emotional labor does exist.
Hold space during staff meetings to allow mental/emotional health check-ins.
Share tools for regulating difficult emotions like frustration or anger.
Recognize, affirm, and model naming emotions and feelings
Normalize asking for support and patience.
Your service will benefit when you allow people to show up as their authentic selves.
